Nottingham Uni Men’s Football: Player Profiles

6th May 2011

Goalkeepers:

Amos Teshuva (Goalkeeper), Player Alias: Edwin Van der Sar

Amos is a highly talented, young goalkeeper with weird hair. Exactly the man you want to have in goal in a tough match, reliable and consistent in his performances. Even saves some shots in a spectacular way that you already considered as goals. No clue how he’s doing that. He reminds me a bit of the young Edwin van der Sar, not just becuase of his big height. Except for his hair, that’s comparable to no-one.

Philip Deggim (Goalkeeper), Player Alias: Andreas Koepke

Like any good German goalkeeper Philip is ruthlessly efficient in between the sticks. Never flustered and always in the right place, he has made a habit of making difficult saves look easy. Even though his demeanour in the goal is as cool as ice he is one cheeky little German and always has a way to get us goalkeepers out of fitness work. I have learned a lot from Philip as his competitor and friend and am proud to have trained next to him.
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Defenders:

Matt McParland (Left Back), Gianluca Zambrotta

A 3rd year member of the squad who has matured this year into a first team regular. Crunch in the tackle, strong in the air and can play with both feet. A technically gifted full back who can cause problems for the opposition going forward whilst remaining solid in defence. Also a real looker, who is a big character within the squad. Was at Gillingham Football Club in his youth.

Ed Ryan (Left Back)), Player Alias: Roberto Carlos

A freshman who was originally with the two’s squad, but after two freindly’s and one training with the 1st team has been a firm fixture in the 1’s squad. A composed left back, with good control and a great left foot when he’s able to get up the pitch and use it. Was with Walsall Football Club until the age of 18.

Youcef Oudjidane (Centre Half/Centre Midfield), Player Alias: Pepe

Youcef will be playing his second varsity match tonight after another commanding season in the first team. Strong in the air, good on the floor and loves a hard tackle, Youcef has been deployed as a centre half and a defensive midfielder this year. His competitive spirit will be a vital asset to the University side this evening.

Steve Popovic (Centre Half), Player Alias: Nemanja Vidic

Popo is a versatile member of NUFC as he looks at ease in several key positions ie centre half, right back and as of late hes even been tested in the “holding role” (centre midfield). Popo’s style of play is similar to that of the old school centre half. He wins every header and his committment to a tackle never comes under question. All in all popo is a great asset to the NUFC cause both on and off the pitch and is a popular member of the group.

Alex Martin (Centre Half), Player Alias: Paolo Maldini

The longest serving member of the squad tonight will be participating in his 4th Varsity, possibly a club record. Take a bow mate. As a result, steroid al now thinks he’s too big time to train, picking and choosing when he attends (Ledley). Commanding in the air and composed on the ball, Alex adds a lot of presence to the back four. This is the ex-skipper’s last varsity and I’m sure he’ll be looking to bow out on a high.

Mike O’Neill (Centre Half), Player Alias: David Wheater

Darren Gibson’s least favourite cousin. He’s the hard hitting, no nonsense centre back of the team, the rock of the University defence. Going forward, look out for 40 yard screamers and headers from corners.

Tom Andrews (Right Back), Player Alias: Glen Johnson

Marauding right back who loves to expose and transform into a flairy winger. Pin point whip accuracy compliments his solid defensive base to construct a great modern day full back. Off field antics have left the gaffer bemused following a black eye from a girl, his mysterious relationship with Humey and his tezzyB. His first Varsity cap is likely to go down with a bang
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Midfielders

Jake Furman (Right Midfield), Player Alias: Andres Iniesta

Known as El Creepio not just for his Crisis deer stalking but more so for his perfectly executed runs behind the defence. This gnome of a playmaker has an eye for a defence splitting pass as well as a ferocious volley. Has such a great training mentality and a strong ‘bond’ with the lucozade coaching staff that it wont be long before this little trooper starts revolutionizing PE teaching departments all over the country. Jamie’s School Dinners…more like Jakey’s School Workouts.

Tom Allnutt, (Centre Midfield), Player Alias: Tim Cahill

El Presidente Tom Allnutt has led the club with great success this season. He has been a man of the people and has exCELLed in the role. On the pitch he has always done what is needed of him, with his highlight of the season scoring the winner against Trent in the last minute, lets hope there is a repeat of that tonight. His drive and passion for the club has kept everyone going and his absence will leave a massive void next season.

Tom Lytton-Dickie (Centre Midfield and Captain), Player Alias: Scott Parker

The power-house of the University team, Tom can control all aspects of the game from centre midfield. With a fantastic range of passing and a deadly set piece delivery, Tom is the talisman of the University side.

Ben Honeyman (Attacking Midfield), Player Alias: Steed Malbranque

Mr Starburst, as he is now to be known within the club for his painstakingly ridiculous outfit choices. However he manages to carry the embarrasing flair of his wardrobe to devastating effect on the pitch. This skilful wideman has all the trickery to beat his man and also a sneaky eye for goal. Watch out for his signature move, the cheeky turn which has recently been coined the Starburst Shift by local FIFA officials – Rumours around Lenton is that Johan Cruyff is still trying to master it in his back garden.

Shane O’Neill (Attacking Midfield), Diego Forlan

Shane O’Neill is a very hard-working footballer, and despite using this over-used cliche, it does not take away from his footballing ability. An eye for goal, as well as good movement and aerial ability make SO’N an integral member of the NUFC set-up. Mood swings, and a tendency to be over-aggressive when drinking (not living up to the irish stereotype at all), make shane hard to deal with at times. This Darron Gibson-esque player (because whenever he gets the ball 40 yards out he decides to shoot), is in all honesty, a pleasure to train and play with, as well as being a funny, good lad.
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Strikers

Jonathan Quinn (Striker), Player Alias: Fillippo Inzaghi

The most recent addition to the first team, Quinny’s inclusion has had nothing to do with his 25 goals in 17 games this season (including 5 hat-tricks), but rather the fact he lives with the skipper. A real morale booster with his confusing sense of humour and injunction granting trademark poses, Quinny motivated the squad to new heights at our training camp in Spain and has continued to do so in the following weeks of preparation back in the UK. Peeling off the shoulder of the last defender, his style of play has been likened to that of an old Fillippo Inzaghi. Look out for abuse of water bottles if he gets too animated.

Edward Phillips (Striker), Player Alias: (Carlos Tevez)

A player with a lot of pace who plays the game direct and trys to get into the channels. When saturday afternoon comes around he almost sure to be on the scoresheet. A man who never gives up, his determination and will to beat his opponent epitomise his game. Favourite Film: Men in Black

Luke Askey (Striker), Player Alias: Dimitar Berbatov

Despite looking nothing like a sportsman of any kind askey is one of the first names on the teamsheet. His move from central midfield to striker has been compared with that of Alan Smith’s successful re-positioning at united (except the other way round). he combines a razor sharp touch with absolutely no pace at all in a berbatov-esque style of play. although regularly berated for not running enough he is a key piece of the nufc jigsaw. he seldom loses the ball and is fantastic in the air. one to watch out for.

Chris Plummer (Striker), Player Alias: Michael Owen (1998)

Beckham once described Alexandro Pato to having the pace of Theo Walcott and the finishing of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. He could have easily been talking about Chris, with lightening pace and a keen eye for goal Plummer has been terrorising defences ever since he marked his debut for the club with a hat-trick. Plummer was then quickly fast tracked to the 1st team. He received an early indication to what he had let himself in for, after John Sheridan shared some ‘pearls of wisdom’ regarding his rugged good looks. Nonetheless, Plummer has establish himself to be a key member of the team scoring some vital goals and I wish him all the best tonight ahead of tonight’s game.
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