Men’s Rugby Varsity Player Profiles

11th May 2011

Sam Chappell: Legendary organisational skills as kit sec having managed to get the kit just in time for the end of season.

George “AU” Bull: Applied for the army but unfortunately failed the IQ test leading them to question his involvement in higher education.

Luke “the Plumber” Murphy-Wooldridge”: A plastic paddy whose economic foresight saw him partake in a plumbers course to get by during the credit-crunch. Loves to chat.

William “Bill” Hill: Captain Fantastic who never fails to lead by example. Don’t mention his hairline.

Craig “Fridge” Innocent: The most cultured member of the team having never travelled abroad. The furthest he has been from home was Durham on an away trip. “They have a delightful cathedral” commented Craig on his return.

Alex “Peelos” Peel: Disgraced founder of NorthSoc, his membership has since been revoked after it transpired he is from London.

Jack “Lego” Wheeler: President of NURFC not much else to him…

Matt “the Chat” Humphreys: Sssssssnake in the grass, keep an eye on your girlfriend.

Elliot “Gayzelle” Lister-fell: Still gutted after coming third in a self proclaimed “two horse race” for President. Also an able lineout specialist which is hardly surprising as he is ½ inch off being a legal giant. Unfortunately not in proportion.

Freddie Frost: Has been here since 1993. A medic who treats people off the pitch, known for his harm to people on it. Pow.

Tom “VP” Lund: Great body, fantastic person, and that’s just his girlfriend. He punches above his weight, not just in matches.

Tom “the Warden” Ward. Claims to eat a kg of meat every day (some say it’s more)

Owen “Fred Perry” Jackson: Silent assassin which is useful as he doesn’t have much to say. A huge hitting flanker who is well known for his fantastic pins.

Jack “Coops” Cooper: Mr. Fantastic. Everyone’s favourite bloke but little do people know he’s into scatology.

Dom “Domwood” Wood: Vice-Captain, Man of the people, the only man kind enough to befriend Matt the Chat.

Lawrence “Larry” Beatt: Puts his body on the line as seen when he put himself on red at Alea Casino. He didn’t win.

Charlie Armstrong: Another plastic Paddy! The enforcer of the team; in a recent match with Newcastle teamed up with the police to ensure the law was preserved.

Jamie “Stinker” Sims: It’s all in the name.

Ollie “Baby Bill” Shaw: Known for his game management, he is also the wettest member of NURFC. Used as an interpreter for Harry-John.

Dave “Headsy” Heads: Like a bad penny he never goes away. Rumour has it he took the AU position just to avenge his early exit from last year’s varsity.

Eitan Humphreys: Known for his great rapport with the other scrum halves in the squad. Knocked out and then subsequently carded after an altercation with Headsy at the ‘friendly’ Old Boys Game.

Sam “Torres” Wood: Fantastic rugby player and pretty boy of the team. Shame he can’t make use of these gifts as he has been banned from Nottingham City Centre.

Don Blake: Loves the club and only member who can claim to have scored a try live on sky sports.

Rob Holloway: Has full international caps for Malta. A robust and dependable flyhalf who won’t let the team down.

Ben “BJ” James: Big blonde centre #1. Should be playing in the row

Ollie Norman: Big Blonde centre#2. Should be playing in the row

Will Beach: Big Blonde Centre #3. Should be playing in the row

Fergus “Judge” Jones: Continues a fine family tradition in NURFC. A trusted member of the club who always ensures the law is upheld.

David Priest: Dominating presence in the backs. Halfway to beatification.

Rob Cleary: He is a nippy winger, rewarded for his clinical finishing at Ireland U9s. Rivals Rob Holloway for international pedigree.

Paddy Oswell: When not gracing the rugby pitch, he can be found in his more natural habitat of Stealth sporting his famous chequered shirt and glasses combo. Safe.

Paddy Shacklady: His superior kicking and passing ability is un-heard of in the rugby community, shame it’s also unseen in match situations.

Fielding Colfer: Fiery member of the team whose appearance in the Varsity squad is all the more impressive given his lackadaisical approach to training.