I know this, at first, sounds telrbiry selfish. But I'm just speaking from the heart:I'm am a bit young to have lost my father, but well, I'm only a bit south of middle age (at which time the loss of parents starts to become more of an impending occurrence). While losing parent in one's childhood is one of the cruelest of all fates, losing a parent as an adult brings forth many emotions that are often far beyond the obvious. It left me feeling in ways that I really didn't see coming not in the least in which was the way it made me a lot more aware of my own mortality. Parents get old and their kids get old. Everything follows suit. So, when my dad died, I went through a bit of a (albeit, premature) midlife crisis. I suppose that sounds a bit self-centered and I felt self-centered for feeling the way I did. This was exacerbated by the fact that my father an alcoholic with whom I had shared a rather tumultuous relationship with took ill very fast and was dead within four months of his diagnosis, leaving us very little time to sort through our feelings and say some of the things that I wish we had been able to say. We hadn't spoken in about six months before he called and asked me to take him to the V.A. Hospital. From then on, I became his full-time caretaker but most of what we concerned ourselves with were the practical issues of his care. Also adding to the mix of emotions was the shame that I felt: my life was, in fact, in shambles. And however much anger, bitterness, and blame I had thrown at my father for the discourse my life was in I still felt that I had let him down just as much as I felt he had let me down. Ironically, I had just returned to school, and my life was on the mend. Dad knew I was back in school, but it would have been nice if he had been able to see me graduate and get on with my life. So when he died, I mourned but not just for him. I mourned for all the time I had squandered, the dreams I had let go of, the successes I had not yet achieved, and (most of all) the chance to have made my father proud. So, I suppose my feelings aren't entirely selfish or self-centered. But I still have trouble coming to terms with the fact that the death of my father brought about a rebirth of sorts within myself. So, yeah the death of a parent is truly a turning point in one's life and in a lot more ways than I had ever imagined.

“When you hear accusing that is not God. The Devil is the accuser and grabs something that you are already in the flesh about.” <- Powerful.. A trespass carried is a burden, one that is forgiven is a bonding experience.

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